Pain.... UPDATE

This is an UPDATE on my previous post titled PAIN.
I'm no pro blogger but still think this may be the best way to update my friends and family on Karlie.

I can't believe it has been 6 months since we scheduled our appointment with an LLMD (Lyme Literate Medical Doctor.) Once our family doctor gave Karlie the 3 week dose of antibiotic for Lyme, Karlie DID get better.  She had fewer pain episodes and possibly fewer emotional outburst's, (tho she's still the middle child and apparently that's awfully hard on a child, ha!) But it DID help for awhile and that matters! So, we followed through with our family doctor's wishes and went to see an Infectious Disease doctor at Children's Mercy.

August 2016. We specifically we saw Duha N. Al-Zubeidi, MD at Children's Mercy Hospital. I went in prepared in knowing there is controversy surrounding Lyme disease in our country, and that medical doctors are often reprimanded, sometimes even losing their medical license for treating it. Unfortunately this is what happened to us with our Karlie.  Dr. Al-Zubeidi simply looked at the lab work and said, "Has Karlie been to the east coast? If she hasn't she doesn't have Lyme, your doctor doesn't know how to read a lab report and it's not possible for her to have Lyme in this part of the country." She recommended we see a psychiatrist for her behavioral symptoms and we see a rhumatologist for pain.  I walked away and did NOT make those appointments because I was already aware of the possibility my daughter would likely not be cared for at this hospital. Do not hear what I am not saying. Children's Mercy is a phenomenal hospital. The fact that Dr. Al-Zubeidi didn't treat her does not make her a poor doctor. The government controls so much and Lyme treatment happens to be one of them.

Please take a few minutes to watch this, specifically minutes 3:30-4:05 (but the whole video is good) to better understand why many doctors turn their back on Lyme patients.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LuT7STb5lUs

For some who haven't heard the story on how we came about finding our Lyme Literate Medical Doctor, because it's not something you can just search the Internet for.  LLMD's are either quiet about treating, definitely not advertising they treat it, OR have completely broken away from government control and treat openly by not taking insurance. The later being the route we took. 

One morning I told Brian that I wanted to take Kenzie to a blueberry orchard about 15 miles from us where we went and picked blueberries for the first time. When we first arrived and were being led out to the blueberry patch I asked, "Your place is beautiful out here, I can't believe I didn't know about this gem so close to Warrensburg... How long have you lived here?!" He replied, "Well, We moved here a number of years ago but I was facing some medical challenges where I was in a lot of pain, my vision was disturbed and just lots of random issues that none seemed to go hand in hand but it was nearly debilitating so they hadn't opened the orchard the first few years they lived there." I may have interrupted him and said, "Wow, sounds like you might have Lyme Disease." He stopped and looked at me and said, "I saw dozens of doctors who couldn't figure out what was going on and you just correctly diagnosed me with very few details." I replied, "Well I've been reading a lot about it because our 4 year old had just been diagnosed."  With many apologies for the future of Karlie's health, it was him who first told us about Dr. Crist, the one who helped save his life. THAT very night a trusted friend replied to me about the doctor who is currently successfully treating her brother for Lyme with information for the SAME doctor!  Thanks for that "written on the wall" message from a God who knew I needed confirmation. I called the next Monday morning to schedule and found out it would be a 6 month wait. Ugh.

I received a packet of forms I needed to fill out, collect every detail about Karlie's health so I could be well prepared for our appointment. During this 6 month wait, Karlie had been doing fairly well but still having some episodes, mostly excruciating pain in the legs, knee, and toes, headaches, belly aches, extreme fatigue, and some minor but present behavioral issues. Of course we never know if it's just because Karlie has a challenging personality and is much like her mother or if it's the Lyme that is triggering her. 

So, mama went back to work on occasion as a substitute teacher to save for Karlie's upcoming appointment. Of course that helped with Christmas this year so that was a bonus. We had many people praying for our family, especially Karlie and God was BEYOND good to us.  I had some anxiety about the upcoming appointment and some other medical bills that we had and then we received a gift (that was very humbling to accept) to PAY FOR  Karlie's appointment and treatments and I will forever be thankful that person responded to the Lord's prompting.  I pray the Lord blesses them ten fold and that we can be on the giving end sooner than later to bless someone like we were blessed. To me that was more confirmation we were seeing the right doctor even though he was SO expensive. 

Fast forward a few weeks.  I called to confirm Karlie's appointment and I was told, "Oh I have a note here that I needed to call you and confirm Karlie's birthday because I think you were quoted the wrong price! Sure enough, because of Karlie's age he was only charging HALF the amount! Praise the LORD! 

Appointment Day:
We arrived right on time to Dr. Crist's office.  All 3 kids in tow because we were on our way home from visiting Brian's family up north. I was at peace the minute we walked in to his office. It may have had something to do with on the paperwork that I had procrastinated on finishing until the day before where I came across one of the questions, "Would you like Dr. Crist to pray for you during your visit? (Dr. Crist is a Christian)" check yes or no. Um, ABSOLUTELY! 

The nurse called us back shortly after we arrived. She went through a few details but since she pretty much already had all the information she needed from all the paperwork she checked Karlie's vitals, including her pH and then gave the information to the doctor.  After he reviewed Karlie's chart he confidently came in and began to share and explain in detail Karlie's diagnosis. 



He confirmed she has Lyme Disease/STARI or better known as Masters Disease. He showed us her lab work which I still don't entirely understand but Brian probably does.  He thoroughly checked her over and she smiled the whole time.  (Then on Tuesday night my sister Julie asked what she thought of him, and she replied, "Mom can I say it?" I said, "Of course, not knowing what she was going to say and she said, "He's handsome." LOL, not what I had expected but entertaining for sure.) Dr. Crist explained how there are many different types of infections and co infections that happen with Lyme but that she does have one specific bacteria that it's important that we battle now: 

Borrelia burgdorferi. Oh how I wish it didn't exist.  Karlie NEVER had the Stage 1 Bulls Eye rash that is common with this bacteria, however we have pulled a couple ticks from her scalp which would make it difficult to tell if there was a bulls eye. (FRIENDS, DO NOT FORGET TO CHECK IN YOUR KIDS HAIR FOR TICKS!) The second stage of this bacteria spreads through the body and affect the immune/nervous system, bones, and the heart. It can affect the metabolism, which Dr. Crist pointed out that it's already begun to do in Karlie. We'll be adding in some sea salt to her dishes and some extra proteins as well as cutting out nightshade foods to try and help her naturally with this. Thankfully its not something that has to be completely eliminated, she can still have some but it may make her feel worse, but doesn't stay in her system for months on end like gluten does.  We'll try an elimination diet to see what her biggest problem foods are. Please Lord don't let it be tomatoes because we love pizza! The 3rd stage is chronic arthritis and neurological complications.  I don't believe we are fully into the 3rd stage.  OK, enough of that.  THE GOOD NEWS! Dr. Crist is hopeful that by treating Karlie with antibiotics for an extended time will HEAL her in Jesus Name! When I say in Jesus name, this man, this treasure of a doctor, Dr. Crist laid hands on our precious child and prayed over her and our entire family at the end of our appointment.  I couldn't have been more thankful to have found him. 

As we drove away I wanted to know Brian's first thoughts, and they were exactly mine! We both felt completely trusting of this man with our daughters health. Extended antibiotics absolutely have their risks. I'll let you google that if you really want to to know but I refuse to speak them over my child from here on out.  Monday night I was worn out.  A weekend of kids up late away from home and not being in our own beds and then an emotionally taxing diagnosis where I really wanted to walk in and the doctor would say, labs show she actually doesn't have Lyme, didn't happen.  SO I took 2 Tylenol PM because I just NEEDED sleep. I fell asleep praying that God would just confirm that using antibiotics for an extended time was what HE had planned for our child. At 3:40am I was awakened by our little 5 year old daughter screaming, "MOMMY! DADDY! HELP! HELP! HELP ME!" over and over again. I was in tears, she was in tears, she was hurting more than she has in a very long time, maybe the worst it's ever been.  I told Brian the next morning how horrible it was and he said, "I know I was up with her at 1:30." I was sleeping hard but our poor baby went through some serious pain that night and I KNOW it was God confirming that we need to proceed with the antibiotics. The Lord has really confirmed everything in this process for us. My faith muscle has certainly been stretched.

                           . 

You guys. The date. January 9. Isn't God so good?! This was the most perfect devotional for me that very day. The day we saw the doctor who created a God given plan for our daughter. 

Then today, the day I decide, I really need to sit down and write this out for people so I don't have to break down in tears once again, because my baby girl is sick but also because the Lord is SO good to us. One of my best friends texted "So you have to fill me in on Karlie's stuff..." and as she did I was literally logging in to my blog for the first time since July 2016 when I first blogged about this ordeal. Timing is important to me and I find it no coincidence that this is my devotion in Jesus Calling this morning:

Jesus Calling: January 12

Let Me prepare you for the day that stretches out before you. I know exactly what this day will contain, whereas you have only vague ideas about it.You would like to see a map; showing all the twists and turns of your journey. You'd feel more prepared if you could somehow visualize what is on the road ahead. However, there is a better way to be prepared for whatever you will encounter today: Spend quality time with Me.
     I will not show you what is on the road ahead, but I will thoroughly equip you for the journey. My living Presence is your Companion each step of the way. Stay in continual communication with Me, whispering My name whenever you need to redirect your thoughts. Thus, you can walk through this day with your focus on Me. My abiding Presence is the best road map available.

Exodus 33:14  And he said, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”

Thank you to all who have prayed for our most precious Karlie, and for Brian and I too. Our prayers are being answered and I know that HE is going before us and this battle is not our own. 

I'd like to end with this. My GOD is BIG. Bigger than any problem you may have or face tomorrow.  There is absolutely NO way I would want to travel through this thing called LIFE without HIM.  Do YOU know HIM? Because this LIFE we have is short. We are simply not promised tomorrow. If you don't, PLEASE come to me. Text me. Message me.  YOU need HIM and HE WANTS you. ALL of you.  All of your broken, He wants it. Trust me. Don't wait until tomorrow! There is so much JOY in knowing Jesus! 

Pain

Pain...

Life is painful. It seems no matter where you are in life some sort of pain is affecting you.  Death of a loved one, financial doubts, relationship woes, fear of the future, physical pain, etc... and even if you aren't dealing with some sort of pain right now, likely you're carrying someone else's burdens. Maybe your ailing parent, the child being seen by the social worker at school, the homeless person who could really use a shower, a new widow who longs for one more hug, or the person you've never met but follow their cancer story online.  Just so much pain.

Sometimes we know how it happens, other times we don't. Some pain lasts only a short time, some lasts forever.  Some people experience a lot of pain and others maybe a few bandaids during their lifetime... My heart is so heavy for some people today. I wish I could take away pain, or even say time heals, because it does, but sometimes that time isn't until eternity. 

Lately I've asked, "why me?" many times.  I've had a fair share of losses in my life.  A best friend in high school.  All four of my grandparents.  My mother in law in front of the computer screen as we skyped.  My sister in law when she was just 42, and certainly not to forget the two babies I have waiting on me in Heaven.   Then there is the physical pain. Maybe I've experienced more physical pain in the past 35 years than others my age, though I know there are others who have experienced much more. I have debilitating back issues. I've survived and thrived post bacterial meningits.  I'm overweight which embarassingly causes my knees and ankles to hurt just to climb the stairs or workout. I put up a good fight against my pillows at night.  But if this is the worst of my pain, I'll survive.

But then... just when you think you are going to be ok? You have children. Nothing will ever hurt them or cause them pain, at least this is our hope and dream for them... am I right?! If only we could protect them from the pain... Which leads me to finally writing this blog.

Karlie, our middle child started having pain, primarily at night a couple of years ago. I can't tell you how many people said, "growing pains." This continued for months. We took her to our family doctor. They took blood (not easy on a 3 year old) checked all her blood counts and looked for juvenile rheumatoid arthritis. We ended up walking away with, "I'm sure it's growing pains."  I trusted the doctor. I'd done my fair share of google research and couldn't find anything to prove otherwise.  So for the next 18ish months our middle child must've been growing, rapidly, because the pains happened often.  Bless her liver she prob had more Tylenol than the average 18 year old in her short little life, it was the only thing that helped... some.  We tried heat, massage, prayer and the pain just continued. The pain was typically in her legs, for a long while it was her legs only.  Then she began complaining about her hip, back and occassionaly her foot. Then the toe pain... I'm talking screaming out because her toes hurt SO bad! My mother may have thought I was abusing our child when really, I was doing all that I could, even taking her in to our local shoe store asking them to double check the fit on that pricey new pair of shoes we were buying,  Didn't work. Tears continued.

Emotionally, Karlie has been quite the challenge. "Middle child syndrome," it's what everyone said. She's being raised by the same parents as our "star" older child. The measure of this child's fits sure made the oldest seem like a gem.  How could they be THIS different?  Seriously, you stub your toe or hit your funny bone and it makes you cringe, maybe even curse a little... but Karlie? Goodness no, this child has some lungs! We found ourselves constantly saying, "Karlie, learn how to control your emotions!!!" It's been frustrating. We may or may not beat her little bum trying to keep her from reacting with such volume. Then there's the anger; wowza.  Is this normal for such a little girl to get so ticked at her baby brother for something so minor? Some would say yes, like we did.  It's the fact that, like with her physical pain, she doesn't have control over her reactions.  Lord knows her mama comes from a line of strong tempers so maybe she's got the gene?! So we try to work with this, maybe not consistently like she needs but we try. And we pray.

April 2016, Kindgergarten summer school is starting soon! Guess what that means?! Annual trip to the doctor for the required shots for school! It was at this appointment I may have been identified as a helicopter parent.  It's my job right; to drill the physician on every detail since I'm just trying to make sure they are well? We reviewed all Karlie's symptoms with the nurse which included: "growing pains," occasional random headaches to which she would just "sleep off," a lot of random extreme fatigue and emotional "outbursts."  Our doctor came in, not much had changed so she was going to have the nurse come back, give them their shots and we'd be on our way.  That's when I may have lost it.  I stopped her, cried a little (duh, I'm a Moore-we can't make it through one family prayer without crying) and I said, "Wait, there is SOMETHING wrong with my child and I NEED you to figure it out."  She sat back down, listened closely and said, "Well lets run a CBC on her and maybe a tick panel too."  Ok, do whatever you need to do just PLEASE figure this out.  In my heart I knew there was something  other than growing pains wrong with our precious little girl.  I helped hold her down while they poked and prodded as she screamed, took numerous viles of blood while her big sister sat nearby quivering because she was so scared of what they were doing to her best friend, her little sister. (mommy fail)

Fast forward, one week. Phone call from our doctors office and I thought, "Great! They've figured something out!"  "Mrs. G. Your daughter has Lyme Disease. We've already called in a antibiotic, she'll take it 3x a day for the next 21 days." That was it.  This is when we got busy.  We started researching. Holy overwhelming.  I had heard of Lyme disease and knew it came from ticks but not much more than that.

I learned quickly that our daughter needs to be seeing a LLMD (Lyme Literate Medical Doctor) You see, there isn't enough research being done and our regular family physicians are not experts on Lyme.  Here is an example: National Institute of Health reported in 2015 the federal government donated $25 to the $674 dollars to research Breast cancer alone.  Rheumatoid Arthritis $59, Serious Mental Illness $381, Multiple Sclerosis $94, Depression $390... These last 4 diseases I've mentioned are often diagnosed, when the underlying cause is Lyme Disease!  Lyme is called "The Great Imitator" because it's symptoms mimic all these other diseases and this is what is trying to steal the joy from our beautiful little girl! It's already affecting her joints and her brain and we plan to FIGHT for her, and to have her treated for this awful disease. One there is NO CURE for.  Treatments, yes. Cure? None.

Why is this? Well, I'm certainly no expert. But I'm learning.  Watching the trailer for the documentary "Under Our Skin" may be the easiest explanation of the government/physician/insurance/ connection that I can use.  Please take the 2 minutes to watch this:

and if you're still curious you can watch the full documentary on YouTube, "Under Our Skin."

Thankfully the Lord has already begun to answer our prayers. We first prayed that we would find the right doctor.  Just as we were looking into making a trip to Wisconsin to see a suggested doctor, (which was giving me anxiety thinking of the traveling expenses, consult and treatment)  God led us to the owner of an orchard about 15 miles from us where we went and picked blueberries for the first time.  He told us about his doctor who now practices out of Columbia, MO.  That same night a trusted friend had messaged me about the doctor who is currently successfully treating her brother for Lyme as well! Thanks for that "written on the wall" message from a God who knows I needed confirmation.  That next Monday morning I called to make the appointment with Dr. Charles Crist. His earliest appointment would be nearly 6 months from now. Not only is it extremely hard to get in, it's expensive for a family on one income.  I'm going back to substitute teach this fall (shameless plug:  I'd love it if you'd share with your teacher friends) to help save the money for her appointments coming up and most likely the treatments that he will be giving her. I'm also planning to practically beg my friends, and their friends as well to host an Usborne Books and More Party with me or even shop at my online bookstore: https://l4138.myubam.com/ and I will earn 25% of whatever you buy and have promised to put this money aside for her consults/treatments!

The PAIN that Lyme Disease is causing not only our daughter, but our entire family is crazy.  We've lost countless hours sleep just reading to see how we can help her now (We've been gluten free at home for just over a week now!) while we prepare for her appointments. It hurts us financially while we pay copays at Children's Mercy for the Infectious Disease doctors. It's put a damper on my social life, I feel like this is all I've talked about for the past 2 months and I miss going deep with my girlfriends about everything else. It's emotionally painful for my family when I'm stressed and exhausted. This disease is draining.  Please spread awareness. The more people that share, the more research that will be done.  The more research the better chance our daughter, and maybe even someone you love stand a chance at a lifetime with less or NO PAIN.

It is our prayer that Karlie will be healed. We know we serve a God who is Miracle maker and I fully expect HIM to show up and show off for our girl!                                          She's such a pretty girl!

I'm including the website for the doctor Karlie is scheduled to visit for those who are interested.
http://drcharlescrist.net/borreliosis.html

But here is the good news,..  LIFE is still GOOD.  I'm so very thankful for every single day that God gives us.  I'm thankful that life on earth is SO short compared to that of eternity where we will ALL be healthy, happy and together! Can  I get an AMEN!? 

Whoops with Excuses!

So I actually got online this morning to blog about something totally different and when I saw that my last blog was at the beginning of January and about losing weight I slapped my forehead! (Where is the emoji for that!?) Guess I ought to update on that last post first!

SO. The fitness challenge at the Community Center was a joke. Waste of my $75.  I always have such good intentions.  I'm pretty sure I did a total of 2 miles in the pool, maybe 10 on the elliptical and not more than 5 on the bicycle. I could sit here and give you the million reasons why I didn't work out but that would be a waste of time.  Truth is, I'm overweight, out of shape, have zero self discipline, hate working out and have let the devil completley have me in this area of my life.  I have allowed my back pain to weigh me down, and depression to have a foothold on my eating habits.  It's a vicious cycle really.

I guess I should report a smidge of good news! I recently had a series of appointments at the Pain Clinic here in town with Dr. Doss.  During the last appointment I had a Radiofrequency Ablation Procedure which is helping me with pain relief. (I suffer from degenerative disc disease and have 4 herniated discs in my lower back-but thats another story in itself.)  Thankfully I DO have some pain relief. Where I was not able to even stand comfortably for more than a few minutes before I can stand for longer periods (which means I can shop a lot easier now too!) **Just if I had the desire to eat well and work out like I had the desire to walk the aisles of Target I'd be skinny! HOPEFULLY this new found pain relief will help me to live a more healthy lifestyle.

I've also made the initial steps with Dr. Phelps to do her weightloss clinic.  It was difficult to see the results from the inBody scale measurements. I had a lot of bloodwork done and I'm sitting very impatiently waiting for my follow up with her for those results and to see what's next.  (They couldn't get me in for 3 weeks for a follow up! Ridiculous!)

So, that's that.  I need to be better about updating this blog! Why is it so darn difficult to sit down and put my thoughts out here, if for nothing else than acconutability!? Sheesh.
Yet again, Cheers to Spring, taking walks OUTSIDE in all God's glory and less junk in the trunk!

Resolutions.

Let's be real. I stink at resolutions.

 Every single year I've made a resolution I completely fail at sticking to. 

I asked Brian, "So, are you going to make a resolution?" He answered, "Nope." 

Whew, Good deal. We're on the same page.

HOWEVER. Y'all... I have got to get my booty into shape. So when my friend shared with me a challenge our local community center is doing, I perked up just a little. Who doesn't love a good challenge?! I read the fine print and thought this is only for 3 months.  I think I can do that. I've been wanting to get back in the pool anyhow, especially since I found out the 18+ Piranhas swim team debuted recently. Swimming is an awesome workout! I have a crappy back and swimming would really benefit me.  This challenge isn't just swimming. We have full access to the community center and all that it provides. I have NO excuses.  So, when you know I'm just sitting on my bum, face booking or watching an episode of Parenthood, ask me how my workout was that day! I need to be held accountable! I want so bad to make some life style changes and it's just so hard for me.

So, for the next 3 months say an extra prayer for me.  Your welcome to be specific! I need strength, mental and physical.  I need for my foot to be well.  I need for my back to be in alignment and to be strengthened.  I need quality rest so I can get up and get to the gym, and have energy while I'm there. My food choices will be one of my biggest challenges.   I love a good nutty bar or some granola covered in yogurt. Y'all my dreams are made of molten chocolate cake.  This is serious stuff. I need to be living for Jesus and not food! I covet your prayers!

So, off I go since my alarm will be going off before the sun rises!  5:30 will come very soon! I'm already looking forward to Bear's nap tomorrow!

Here's to more spinach and less junk in the trunk!

BLOGS from 2012

Facebook notified me of some moments I had to "look back on" today and guess what I found!? 

My 1st BLOG! 

So, do I continue there of just copy and paste it over here? 

Decisions, decisions.

I read through the whole 5 posts and think maybe I should just transfer those old blogs of mine on this blog.  

They were important enough for me to write at the time so I think they're important enough to share here too. So, here goes....  

My Very First Post…

january 1, 2012 kristen1 comment

So here it goes… my very first blog!  This is very scary for me yet very exciting at the same time! I have wanted to start a blog for quite some time now.  My memory has failed me more than I like to admit so this is one way I can “look back” or remember things that are important to me.  More importantly, I hope that this blog will be of worth to my precious children as they grow.  My intentions are good at keeping up with this blog…maybe you will help keep me accountable as I’m one who easily gets off track (such a bummer.)  Not really sure how often I will post or how often I should or shouldn’t post as I am new at writing blog posts and new at reading other blogs so bear with me!

Hope you enjoy my words (and pictures too!)… some may be humorous although I’m not very witty, some might make you cry (at least they will me, I’m a cry baby) and some may make you just sit back and retreat away from your own reality while you enjoy the crazy, chaotic life of a mom with babies 14 months apart! Thanks for following me!

Reflecting on 2011

december 31, 2011 kristen6 comments

 2011 has been a year that brought me such much JOY and so much SORROW.  So, with that being said I’m not really sure where I should even begin.  I don’t have much time left of my evening (being NYE 2012) so I this may be one crazy, messed up, out of order reflection… I will try to start at the beginning but I’m sure I will get lost in all of this somewhere.  Actually, I’m going to stick with only a few of the most important life changers that happened to us in 2011. 

In April, our sweet little Kenzie Jean turned one!  …tear already :( … How time flew by so quickly I simply do not know. We celebrated family style by having all of the Moore side and Gillespie side showering our baby girl with love!  Not being partial, but I know she is the cutest little one year old there has ever been!  Due to having pictures to prove that I was a HUGE 7 months pregnant the day we celebrated her birthday, I guess I should throw in that we were busy planning for our second baby girl at the same time!  Kenzie was spoiled and got all new bedroom furniture and decor as we decided to keep the “nursery” as is for baby girl #2 (who was actually being called Mallory throughout most of that pregnancy.)  Such a fun time to see Kenzie grow and change so much from crawling to standing on her own and then start walking all over the place two weeks after her first birthday! (I haven’t even written that in her baby book yet… mom of the year, I know…)  She learned very early to give the BEST kisses ever… a big smackeroo with a somewhat loud MUHHH following the lips open wide to the cheek!  The whole type of kiss really is noteworthy, I promise you won’t regret reading that part. I hope that I never forget these sweet kisses!  Kenzie regularly has shown most affection for a bear that we made at Build a Bear in Branson… her name is Branson Bear. I love watching our sweet little girl grow but it does break my heart that I can’t stop the clock and keep her itty bitty for just a little while longer!

May- Memorial Day weekend Brian, Kenzie and I got to spend the entire weekend on a getaway (really our only little vacation of the year) camping RV style with Brian’s parents Kenny and Patty. We attended an air show, rode bikes on the Katy Trail, played one of our favorite games over and over and had a date night to the movies while grandma and grandpa kept Kenz for the evening! It was a last minute planned trip (I actually begged the guy to let us stay in his “emergency spot” with my story of being prego and the hubby NEEDING a quick getaway before we had a baby!)  It was crazy trying to find a spot anywhere near Columbia to camp with full hookups the week before Memorial Day weekend (learn from our mistake!) Although this sounds like such a “little” vacation it was amazing. Perfect, everything about it. We took lots of pictures that weekend, pictures we will likely treasure more than any for the rest of our lives.

June…. oh June. Sundays are for skyping of course.  Every sunday we skype with Grandma and Grandpa Gillespie since they live far enough away that we don’t get to see them as often as we’d like. That first Sunday in June, June 5 Grandma and I were chatting it up on the phone earlier than normal and we decided to get off the phone and get on skype since Kenzie was up from her nap.  Only a few minutes into our conversation grandma Patty had a sudden onset headache that she quickly retrieved some over the counter meds to help with. She returned to the computer sitting with Grandpa Kenny for another minute when her head started to hurt extremely bad. We told them to hang skype up and call us back when she was feeling better.  We waited and waited about 15-20 minutes… too long in my book.  I asked Brian to come inside and call his dad to check on her, me being the worry wart that I am. It was then that we found out that she was being transported to Blessing Hospital in Quincy, IL.  I packed our little family of 3 (well I guess I was far from little at being pregnant and due 3 weeks from this date) as quickly as possible.  We were on the road to IL in about15 min and Brian got us there as quickly as he could.  Fastest, yet longest drive ever. Grandma Patty had a aneurysm of the brain stem.  Just typing that hurts, pains my heart more than I can put into words. We sat with Patty four nights, someone always at her side before the Lord called her home on June 9.  (deep breath, keep typing Kristen) I say “Called her HOME” KNOWING, not just believing because of the woman that she was.  My mother in law, my husbands mother, my sweet baby’s grandma was a strong Christian woman who loved her family second, and God first before anything else.  She was a prayer warrior. She fulfilled her duty here on this earth and God called her HOME. Knowing this didn’t make losing her easy.  I still miss her so much every single day.  I think of her more than once every day.  In all the little things my babies do, I think of how much she would’ve enjoyed them growing and changing.  A lot of my friends complain about the small things in their mother in laws… my mother in law was not one of those.  She was awesome, we loved each other and chatted it up sometimes 2 or 3 times a week.  I still find my self, 6 months later wanting to pick up the phone and call her real quick to ask about a recipe or something about Brian when he was little (in comparison to what the girls do.) I have experienced death before.  I lost a very close friend in high school and several of my own grandparents…. NEVER was a death harder to deal with than this.  This was different.  I’ve realized that I am not good in dealing with it. I probably need counseling for it but I try to quietly suffer and remember that she had the JOY of the Lord and she IS HOME now.  This experience has changed the woman that I am.  It’s changed the wife that I am.  I assure you watching your husband deal with the loss of his parent whom he has a wonderful relationship with is something that will change you. It’s even changed the mom that I am.  Sometimes I catch myself saying or doing something as a parent and because of this loss I change the way I would act or react.  June was hard, really hard. You may wonder why I put all this on my blog, well, it was prob the one thing that has impacted my 2011 more than anything else… prob more than most things in my entire life. So yeah, it’s relevant. It belongs here.  This blog is for me too. (I’m beginning to realize blogging may be therapeutic…as I sit here with tears streaming down my face.)  It’s my hope that you will just be so thankful for every relationship you have, especially with someone like your mother in law.  Even if your not on the best terms with them now, I’m completely jealous that you have that so for me, fix things. Make things right and love that person in your life. You just never know what tomorrow brings.

June- June DID bring us JOY as well.  Our sweet tiny Karlie Ann was born on June 27 at Western MO Medical Center via C-section.  She weighed 7lbs and 5 ounces and was 21  inches long. What a perfect baby… what a cute newborn she was (we all know that newborns are not typically cute… but I promise mine somehow had enough extra chubbies that they were!)  Throughout most of the pregnancy this little baby was called Mallory… however we decided the night before she was NOT going to be Mallory afterall…  We went to the hospital on her birthday and ad decided she would either be named Karlie or Emilie.  Daddy and I agreed on Karlie and named her Karlie ANN after her grandma Patty Ann Gillespie. I never liked the name Ann (even when Brian had suggested it for Mallory earlier in the pregnancy) but now love it as she is such a blessed little girl to be named after such a special person to us. Wow, Karlie is already 6 months old! How crazy is that?! She was a tough little colic like baby for the first 3 months (some say- I’m sure she just really wanted to be in mommy’s arms at ALL times.) What a great baby she is now though! She is so fun! So cute, that little dimple that is so deep in her left cheek just melts my heart!  It took some time for Kenzie, Daddy and I all to adjust to being a family of 4 but not it’s the best thing ever!! Kenzie and Karlie are our pride and joy! We couldn’t be more blessed!!! They are perfect!

Well… those are the most noteworthy moments of our 2011… now to post as I only have one minute to get out of this chair and kiss my hot husband!!!
Happy New Year to you and yours!!

 Sweet words from a 20 month old…

january 3, 2012 kristen1 comment

Everyday Kenzie says something new… I feel like I need to get these documented before I forget anymore of them!

Tonight, it was especially precious when I looked over and saw Kenzie holding her baby sisters hand,, eyes closed jabbering along, most of which I couldn’t understand and then she said “AMEN.” It melted this mommys heart.  I was just the most proud mom.  Then when her daddy got home from work she went over and held his hand and prayed with him!

Last night on our way home Kenzie pipped up in the back seat and announced, “Were home” when we pulled on our street.  I had no idea she knew that.  Too cute.

Some of Kenzie’s other favorite sayings:

• Ima getchoo (as she runs down the hall!)
• Coooool (daddy’s quite proud he taught her that one.)
• Montmee & WeelWee (dogs: Montley & Willie)
• Mummy (yummy)
• Elmo Elmo Elmo!!! Cookie Cookie Cookie
• Hiya! & most recently Seeya (as she proclaimed leaving her Sunday school class last weekend)
• (pointing) Nose (I wish I could type it the way it sounds, guess I better get it on video before it changes!) eyes, cheek, hair, ear… (my smarty girl!)
• BAF!!!! (bath- pretty sure this is the BEST thing in the entire world in her opinion.)

I’m sure there are some that I can’t think of right now so if your reading this and you know of one I need to add to the list, PLEASE tell me!!  I may print this later and insert into her babybook!   

Gosh we loves this little girl, she is soooo precious!

Simple Joy & Friends

january 7, 2012 kristen2 comments

The past few days have been Oh so busy!!

Yesterday the girls and I set off on an adventure all on our own! If you know me well at all this is a very rare occurence for me.  I am so blessed to have both of my sisters as well as my folks all living within a half mile of where we do so typically there is an invite for one or all of them to come along on our little journeys! Most of the time I do prefer to have at least one of them come along with me, especially if I am going out of town but there is a rare occassion that I want my girlies all to myself! Yesterday was one of those days…. so Kenzie, Karlie and I took off to the Kansas City Zoo.  I had not been to this zoo since I was in kindergarten and I now know why.  Don’t get me wrong, Nikita the Polar Bear rocked and Kenzie particularly liked the hippos and the cheetas (I think she just really likes saying those two words!) but overall I was not impressed with that zoo.  I think that I have just been spoiled going to the Omaha and St. Louis zoo more… boy do I wish we lived closer to one of them. Oh well, we had a FANTASTIC day, just the three of us.  It was exciting for Kenzie to point at the animals and be “wowed” by them moving around after seeing them daily in her books! The JOY that it brought my one year old daughter was such a simple and PURE JOY! It helped me remember to look for all the small things in life that should bring me simple Joys, but I so often overlook because I am too busy or in too much of a rush to realize they are joyous… although (speaking of JOY)….. Sunday as Brian and were pulling out of the church parking lot (we stayed a lot longer than normal this day chatting with some dear friends) and right there not 40 feet above us there was a BALD EAGLE flying around! It was AMAZING! It’s rare that you see a bald eagle flying around in an area such as this but it was just so cool! Brian and I sat amazed and we talked about it all the way to our lunch date with family. When we arrived we were so happy to share what we had seen and my folks saw it too! Anyway, enough about the eagle, it really was just super cool! Just a reminder that there are things all around us that God blesses us with that give us so much joy.  This evening I had another super simple reminder watching my girls giggle themselves silly in the bathtub kicking and splashing each other and just listening to them crack up at one another! Ahhh yes, the JOY in having two sweet little babies so close, just makes my heart smile! The bubbles didn’t stop there… post bathtime Kenzie and Karlie enjoyed bubbles for quite awhile before book & bedtime! 

Some nights are just made to share with friends, food, playtime for all the little ones and of course Ticket to Ride or whatever game you decide on… Last night was one of those.  Even after my crazy fun zoo & a little shopping of course we had some of our best friends over for dinner and game night! We love those nights. We stay up too late, eat too much, and talk and laugh a lot! We are so blessed to have friends go through life together with!  Oh and today I got to hang out with and eat lunch with one of my very best childhood, all thru school and college best friends! Ahhhh I am a lucky girl!

Speaking of friends, gosh I really really miss some of my best friends! Those girls that may know me even better than I know myself.  Life just gets so busy and we all grow and change and move or work too much…. I just really miss some of my friends so much.  Life, please slow down for all of us… just a little, that would be great. I don’t think thats asking too much. It makes me sad my sweet little girls don’t get to see some of my very best friends very often and then when they do they shy away from them (a little too much like their mommy and daddy there… we were both soooo shy when we were little!)  I could go on and on about my girlfriends, because I have some of the greatest! I love that I can just sit down and pick up exactly where we left off!!! Some of my girlfriends have gotten married lately which makes my heart smile a really big cheesy smile and a couple of my girlfriends I am praying get a rock on their finger very very soon because I want more than a lot of things for my favorite girls to be happy and In LOVE! IT’s the best… Oh and of course I want them to go ahead and start having little babies too so they grow up with my babies… ok ok, I guess that will just make them even more busy but then at least we HAVE to get together for play dates and such! Anyhow, enough of that, I love you girls!

Well, enough of the rambling on…. just so thankful this evening for how tired I am. (My goal was to be in bed before 9 and, well, now that time has come and gone) If I were not this tired it might mean my life were boring… so, not complaining about how tired I am, but I am rejoicing in all the LOVE and FUN I get to have being me… so thanks ya’ll for being a part of our life.  Hope your tired too, because that prob means you have an exciting life too!  Goodnight for now!

Pondering a Living Will….

january 12, 2012 kristenleave a comment

The past few days I’ve discussed creating a Living Will with a few family members, including my husband.  As hard as it is to think about creating such a document, I’m realizing how important it may be.  My hope is that this is something that we can create now and have to edit a million times because we’ve aged or because of changing circumstances (the good kind of course, like winning a lot of money (yeah yeah, the sinner in me wouldn’t mind winning some money!) 

There is so much information you have to include in writing a will. Thank goodness there are websites that help us do so.  Healthcare directives, do I need a lawyer to sign for this to be a “legal” document in Missouri, who should be our power of attorney if something happens to us and Lord forbide, who will care for our precious girls in this case? SO many things to ponder…

Thankfully the Lord has blessed us with AMAZING family members who could each raise our girls wonderfully (of course none as good as we will :-) but I rest easy (I almost said rest in peace, lol) knowing that our girls will be raised in a loving Christian home.  This alone makes preparing these documents slightly easier.

It’s crazy to think that we’ve been talking about this for the past few days…. Last night, not long before I feel asleep I logged onto facebook (yes, slight addiction- I’m working on that) and saw one of my dear friends was mourning the sudden loss of her cousin.  Her cousin was a young, married and had two small children.  As my heart was breaking with her for this family and for her, it confirmed the importance of creating this document. I just can’t imagine something so tragic happening and my husband and I not have taken the time to “simplify” decisions so that others don’t have to make the painful decisions for us.

Anyhow, enough is enough on this subject… hopefully reading this blog entry didn’t get anyone down… maybe, if anything it will encourage you to set a little time aside and consider a Living Will for yourself…

Now I am raising an eyebrow and wondering why I even blogged about this… I guess I’m a little off today, who knows… Oh well, it’s what’s on my mind as my sleeping beauties nap!

AND NOW WE FAST FORWARD...2012-2016

Someone posted this on Facebook today.

It really resonates with me.

Some days are just hard.

My kids bicker with one another, maybe throw a punch or two.

They occasionally act like they have nothing to do,

though we have a home full of toys and books.

But the TRUTH is...

THEY ARE SUCH GOOD KIDS!
How in the world did I get so blessed!?

The good I see in them makes me realize I'm not doing it ALL wrong.

I'm getting a least a little bit of this parenting thing right. 

Kenzie Jean, Karlie Ann and Griffin Bear

are the most amazing little accomplishments of my life.

Yes, it's a miracle they've even lived this long,

we've had our fair share of mishaps; falls off beds, down the stairs and trips to the ER.

But y'all. They're alive. They're happy. Today they're healthy.

They're running circles through the living room, kitchen and dinning room,

stopping briefly to listen to the little girl on the St. Jude commercial.

Compassionate little girls, ornery little boy, full of energy and love.

Yes. I'm going to concur, they're my greatest accomplishment!

Let's try this again....

Pretty sure I started a blog like 4 years ago, posted maybe 3 blogs and.... 

POOF! 

Just like that, it disappeared.

Probably because I never took the time to login?

Most likely because I don't even remember the title of my blog to find it!

So, here I am again. 

I'm going to attempt this whole blogging thing again.

I have few reasons why, just to name a few:

1. My memory is awful.

2. My children are growing up WAY too fast and I need to document the hilarious moments.

3. Life is grand, and I'd like to be able to go back and live it vicariously again!

If you've stumbled upon this (or maybe I shared it) 

your likely going to learn some about my family 

you already know,

some you didn't want to know,

some that makes you like me a little more, 

or possibly even dislike me a little.

I'm sure thankful that Facebook/Timehop gives me the little daily reminders

from this day in history, every day. 

I'm hoping I can just sit down and blog about our daily "stuff" here,

more than just one cute saying.

Maybe share an entire conversation I've had with one of  our children,

hopefully some spiritual moments that inspire others.

Real life.

That's my goal.

So, here we go, ending 2015 with a little less memory,

a few more goals.

The possibility of capturing the raw moments, just as they are.

Cheers! Here's to 2016 being the BEST year of my LIFE!
I'm claiming that over myself RIGHT NOW!